The Student News Site of Lampasas High School

Badger Tracks

The Student News Site of Lampasas High School

Badger Tracks

The Student News Site of Lampasas High School

Badger Tracks


Did you travel over spring break?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Dishwasher Love: A Satire

Kitchen Appliance Is Perfect Valentine’s Gift
Joe Neuenschwander
A dishwasher can solve a multitude of problems in a relationship.

Every couple needs something to show how much they love each other. For some, it may be a bouquet of flowers or maybe a fancy dinner, but these pale in comparison to a dishwasher. The dishwasher is one of the best appliances for a significant other. The dishwasher has one of the best track records for helping to work out the kinks in any relationship. It works out things like “I work harder than you, so I will do the dishes” or “Why aren’t the dishes done? I asked you to do it when I got home.” A dishwasher in every home could help bring the rate of divorce down from the high number of 50% to 25%. 

In 2019 people bought over 8 million dishwashers. The popularity of the dishwasher has grown and might soon overtake the popularity of Jordans and Pandora Jewelry. This will cement the love that one has for their significant other by showing they too can do dishes. Jewelry and shoes are just worn on the body whereas a dishwasher can bring people together through their love of clean dishes. Every Friday night is a treat when a couple can argue over who will load the dishwasher. 

Arguing has some great aspects to it like one person throwing ranch dressing at another in anger or breaking dishes to show how much someone never does them. After these heated arguments the couple will be too tired to argue about who’s cheating on who or who is going to do the laundry. The couple can then go to bed and wake up the next morning to argue and fight about the dishes again. This all will help with someone being lazy and not doing their part in a relationship. 

One person in a relationship can test if they will be able to move onto the next stage simply by buying a dishwasher. Does one partner not trust the other to help out in the relationship? Well all that person has to do is buy a dishwasher to test if their partner is trustworthy. Alpha Males like Andrew Tate recommend doing tests like this all the time. So why not use a dishwasher to test whether or not a partner is a stand up person? This idea of testing the love of a partner comes from a stand up guy himself. 

The price of a dishwasher is also something to consider since these will likely be the latest trend. The best deals are found with sales personnel. The sales representative always shows the dishwashers and will cut deals like payment plans where a person has to pay $100 a month plus interest. The sales representatives don’t show how much the interest is until the sale is finalized. This is helpful especially if the couple is saving for their kids’ college or for a nice trip to the Bahamas. 

A dishwasher is a great purchase for Valentine’s Day. It fixes relationships by showing the lazy one in the house that they are not doing their half. If this has an effect, the next gift should be a washing machine for Christmas. 

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Badger Comments! (0)

All Badger Tracks Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *